Friday, November 02, 2001
"Every woman has a sexual power point in her astrological birth chart -- specifically, Pluto, the planet whose location determines how you can use your feminine powers to:
Control and manipulate men
Make them love and desire you
Get rid of them when you're done "
Wow is that cold. One of my friends just sent this to me. YIKES!
6820505">1:36:00 PM
Another lie:
Just because it says restaurant, bistro, or cafe on the door, it does NOT mean there is anything edible inside.
6819739">1:02:00 PM
Some think loneliness is just a vestige of single people. Those who live alone and eat alone and sleep alone. But I know of many many people in relationships who say they are very lonely too. That's why I love the Internet. One can escape the maddening despair and chaos of one's own mind by finding a like mind to play with. So what's wrong with loneliness? It urges one to reach out into the Universe. And it certainly isn't a reason to swim into a relationship, a bonding, a marriage. I'm sure that loneliness has a fruitful side to it. I just need to uncap the bottle to find out exactly what it is.
6818201">11:55:00 AM
Thursday, November 01, 2001
My friend says that I allow outside forces rule me too much. He says that I am like a swaying breeze. I pick up things from people, touch them, am so interested in all of humanity, which is good for my art self, but it leaves me open. And if I don’t close up and become more concerned with my core self, I will be possessed. Phobias, addictions, and darkness will engulf me. I need a shield.
My younger brother says something like that too. He says, “I don’t even know how someone like you can survive. You are too unprotected.”
That’s a lot to think about. I really don’t know how to be any other way than I am though.
Maybe one day it will click! But right now I can’t even grasp what they mean.
My art self is illuminating right now. I met a wise man that does concrete. I am learning all about cold joints and rebar and that kind of stuff. I am going to roll the idea around in my brain and in the spring do life-size sculptures. They will be guardians of my little piece of property, not gargoyles or anything of that ilk, more like little entities that just spring out of my brain.
And since I am so enamored of balance I will be making the heart that is pictured in the minigolf site! It will be installed on the north, ahead of the front door. I will grow vines on it…perhaps Heavenly Blue morning glories, wriggling out of a patch of bleeding hearts and lilies-of-the-valley. REBAR!
I am hoping my ideas come to fruit in the spring. I have some foreboding, like a few springs ago when I did the copper sculptures. People love them. They remind them of enthusiastic dancers. I managed exactly 3 pieces…”Dancinggirl”, “The Oracle”, and an eyed trellis for glowing my beloved clematis Jackmanni on. That was in the autumn. When I tried to start up again in the spring when the weather had calmed enough to be outside, I couldn’t remember how to coax the copper, I returned 4 faulty torches, the shapes were harsh and blocky. I had lost my touch. Things can escape that fast. POOF! Gone.
I am nearly finished with the war chest. Such a large piece, an actual trunk, the type that a person would have come into Ellis Island with many long years ago. A trip to freedom, away from indifference. A chance at allowing one’s spirit to unfold. It is draining me. What started out as an edifice against war in Afghanistan has become a plea for civil liberties in America. It has mutated as my fear of my own government has gone hot with anger. And since it sits in front of my couch I am always being teased into working on it, adding more, clarifying what I am trying to say.
Tomorrow I will start on the companion piece, one of love and glimmering brightness. It is a nightstand, French Provincial, and curvy, three drawers down the front. I see hula girls swaying on the sides and juicy fruits, sensuous flowers on the top dripping down the sides. Perhaps a few hearts. I will fill the drawers with love letters, mementoes, souvenirs. The little things that charge up my life when I go blue and can’t find myself.
Oh and a photographer friend of mine is going to do some erotica of …me. Haha! It will be a photo shoot but NOT “I wanna be actress/model” stuff, no, more like corny artgirl photography. Erotica, not porn, nothing even close to gynecological, actually maybe only erotica to a few people. I have a few ideas and he does too. I will most likely make a website. Ha! I am thinking that if I am naked so too should be the photographer, right?
Lastly my friend Hammish is teaching me how to ritualize my work so I can deepen and evolve in my integrity so I give off a higher vibration. Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmm. HeHeHe! Is it working?
6805882">10:38:00 PM
Men are still remaking my street. Today they rolled out huge 15' rolls of road cloth. That is exactly what it is called. I took a picture of the truck. So tonight when I took my walk, in full moon light!, I walked on cloth. When I bent down to touch it, it was very soft, rather like fine felt. It looked drapey too with the seams sealed with hot glisteny tar. It seems like it would be the ideal fabric for sewing up a black hooded cape, for autumn, for moon walks, for disappearing.
6803829">8:41:00 PM
full moon, oh yes!
6780115">12:29:00 AM
Wednesday, October 31, 2001
I was reading an interview about a band when one line made me cringe. Wifey said "and he wanted to take his guitar on our Jamaican vacation. I said NO."
That is the suffocation I refer to in a relationship. Accessing the muse is difficult enough without someone you love stomping it out before it arrives. Don't you think the art part of him was what would have drawn that woman to him in the first place?
This incredible guitarman has an odd lyric in one song. I never understood it until now. It is violent. Aha! but of course artists work out their problems with their art. That is why the lyric. That is why artists don't kill people. They only kill themselves.
They are interior people.
6769495">3:11:00 PM
if you must explain the lyrics to your art perhaps the person asking doesn't need to know.
6769310">3:02:00 PM
O it is Indian summer! About 65, balmy breeze, one of the last tastes of easy weather.
Last night I watched the 3 Omen films. Omen II was filmed in my hometown. Forget the movie and watch the scenery. And yes people die every winter from being trapped under the ice. Fireworks are important, and home can be a very nice house. We may be a bit eccentric though.
6763596">10:57:00 AM
The sky is falling. The sky is falling.
6762266">9:59:00 AM
Monday, October 29, 2001
I was awakened by men on machines. They are reasphalting the street. I guess they forgot to tell everyone LEAVE BY 7 OR YOU WILL BE TRAPPED ALL DAY. See I told you that painting can save you.
6702428">8:19:00 AM
Sunday night at the Safeway down at the Marina is said to be particularly good for trout fishing. I have always liked the Post Office in FRG myself. Well pre-ATX, and for nut-gathering, I should say.
6702282">8:13:00 AM
I heard the strangest story over the weekend. It seems their are women, certain rare women, that prey on boating men. They are not the sirens of old who sang until a man was driven mad by a song. The new creatures look for sunburnt white men. They lure them, sex them, and when the men fall asleep, the women peel and eat the flaking skin.
6702202">8:10:00 AM
Sunday is sex night in some neighborhoods.In fact, in Lake Zurich you can see the steam rise through the pink mercury vapor light in the predawn hours of Monday morning.. I prefer skiing myself.
6696196">1:07:00 AM
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